Hellversum, 01 August 2011
NOTE: click on pixx for enlargement!
Dear Aisha,
I’m back, with my second letter to you since you-know-when. In fact, it’s an edited and translated version of a letter I wrote you on July 9th in Dutch. Edited, because that version was for family purposes only
and too personal to share publicly.
and too personal to share publicly.
How are things at the Great Assembly in the Skies?
Are people listening to your sound advice and creative plans
to make this a better Universe for us all???
So far, we’re experiencing a lousy summer,
so I suspect there’s a couple of non-talented non-listeners
in your Heavenly Group…
Please make sure they shut up and serve drinks or something
while you do The Work!
It’s been 95 days since you passed on – not that I’m counting;
got an iPhone app for that…
I’ve grown a lot wiser in those 95 days!
One thing I’ve learned, for instance, is that all clichés
about losing a loved one are actually true!
about losing a loved one are actually true!
Every single person deals with mourning in his or her own way,
but MUST go through a number of phases
before Life can resume any degree of normalcy.
My personal feeling is that you’re not really gone.
My days are still largely filled with activities that are
directly or indirectly linked to you.
What I miss most are your voice and your touch.
Apart from those, I feel that communication between us two
is still completely intact.
Saturdays have changed though…
Used to enjoy doing errands and shopping for you in the centre of town.
It’s a lot bleaker doing only my own rounds.
So far, four people have mentioned talking to you in their dreams.
Three of them said you told them you’ll be sticking around for a while,
keeping an eye on things and spurring on those who need it most.
That would be a very YOU thing to do, so I’ve decided the stories are true.
The fourth person who told me their dream about you is likkle K…
must keep that between her and me…
YOUR FAREWELL
The news of your passing was spread digitally on April 29th.
The cards were mailed a day later because they had to be printed
and Mom wrote ALL addresses by hand.
The PR-woman in you would have loved the avalanche the news caused.
My first tweet was retweeted 30 times
and brought on 77 immediate reactions.
The following tweets, including the uploads
of the digital obituary and the thank you card
generated even higher stats and, as a consequence,
reached hundreds of thousands of people.
Good for you!!
I only wish news about myself would have this kind of impact!!
It was quickly evident that your Twitter farewell would be substantial.
I therefore asked all peeps to bring their own drink or have one virtually,
like we used to do during your twitter parties.
The condolences ceremony was one of
brotherhood and newly-formed friendships,
and even a romance or two!
Yes, once again, you connected people online and in real Life!
The cremation ceremony the following day
was a beautiful, varied gathering.
Your brother and three sisters all spoke,
your niece and nephew played music,
your aunt and cousin read a beautiful story.
Sweet likkle K accompanied every speaker, holding a candle.
What I remember most of that day are her courage and strength.
She watched over you like the likkle Souljah Girl that she is.
The ceremony went into (expensive) overtime and
we gave you a standing ovation at the end.
Don’t think the peeps at the funeral parlour had ever experienced that…
They estimated that over 600 people in total attended the two ceremonies.
Not many of us will be able to boast the same.
It was a beautiful and heart-warming thing to see
so many people in shades of purple…
LIKKLE K, NOW AND LATER
(not merely edited, but completely re-written for blogging purposes)
The decision about K’s future address has fallen.
She will be living with her father, new baby half-brother and her father’s girlfriend.
This news is hard for me to publicise, because many people know how you felt about this.
You blogged about it many times!
You blogged about it many times!
But this is the paragraph in Life where post-mortem complications are illustrated:
not everybody is equally satisfied with this outcome,
and that’s putting it extremely diplomatically.
However, everybody has accepted the situation and we are all trying to work together to make this as easy on K as is humanly possible.
Of course, I’m personally heartbroken!
The day you died is
the day I became a mother;
it’s like a Mom-gene suddenly grew in me
The day you died is
the day I became a mother;
it’s like a Mom-gene suddenly grew in me
and likkle K miraculously became my daughter – at least, in my heart.
We’ve grown even closer and a day without her is empty, sad and dark.
Even thinking of her brings tears to my eyes… each and every time!
I had been looking forward
to living with her and
coaching her forward into young womanhood,
but the Gods have thrown an ugly hand of dice my way.
I must now shift my energy towards
making sure I still play
a substantial role in her Life,
so that your influence won’t be completely gone.
Just to reassure you, K is taking this all in great style.
She’s generally calm and happy, does her best at everything she does,
brings light and warmth to our hearts, sounds more like you every day,
and is a regular likkle peace maker!
It is through HER doings that the tension
between her father and the Hunkar Clan has diminished
and that we are all on speaking terms, even better.
She worked really hard with me last week to pack up her belongings,
so that they could be moved to her father’s house.
Mom and I were heartbroken while brother M’s car pulled away
with her bundled up in the front seat
and a load of her stuff piled in the back.
What K’s future will bring?
Only Jah knows, and possibly your peeps
in the Great Assembly in the Skies…
All I can say is that my heart is broken in 850 pieces
and I can’t find the glue!
I must promise myself to keep a positive attitude
so that she once again becomes the carefree,
happy likkle girl she should be…
Helping out with her school musical and
making her Big Wish of visiting the Army base come true
might have helped a little...
Big THANX to ALL peeps at K's Primary School
and to @360marco
for ALL you've done!!
~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~
THE WORLD IS PURPLE AND KEEPS SPINNING
Unbelievable how many things need to be done when someone dies!
Not just the farewell ceremony
(did you know that Mom and K washed and dressed you for your send-off?
A beautiful and heart-wrenching thing to see!),
but also all those loose ends that need tying.
Via twitterfriend @EricSuiker we have found
a friendly and no-nonsense realtor
who will help us sell your house in Hilversum.
There’s just a few more small things to take care of:
Jet and Mary will be in today for a few small paint jobs and repairs.
The business end of your estate is taken care of
by Amsterdam sisss and her husband.
Your medical supplies have arrived in a hospital in Surinam,
where patients in dire need are thankful and in less pain now.
Mom and I are sorting through your stuff,
deciding what goes out and what stays in storage for K.
Thank you for sending a vibe so that
Mom’s broken arm is finally getting better!
She needs it during the painful but necessary task at hand!
What will now happen to the Entrada apartment
that’s being built for you and K remains to be seen.
We are investigating the options at hand.
Will update you on that in my next letter, I suppose.
Just letting you know that the infamous V&D Assault Case of January 2010,
in which you were a victim,
is FINALLY being dealt with properly!
Slachtofferhulp (Aid to Victims) have altered their standardized letter,
so that other families won’t be confronted
with the crude choice of words we had to deal with.
Furthermore, they have now put me into contact
with a very zealous gentleman
who is the first coordinator between
the Police, Aid to Victims and the District Attorney.
It’s a new function and he is VERY determined
to have your case dealt with properly.
Mom and I met with two District Attorneys who are
on the case like a fly on syrup…
It was scheduled to appear in court on July 19th (K’s Earth Day!)
but the culprits got cold feet and have hired a lawyer.
The case is now postponed to September.
Looking forward to the Judge handing out punishment
to the animals that attacked you in the V&D warehouse!!
FAMILY GET-TOGETHER
(added to original letter, because Time has passed)
The month of August will never be the same.
It was always the month of many family Earth Days, including yours,
but without you the happy festivities have lost their shine.
As you know, Dad will be 80 years old in a few days,
but he doesn’t want the traditional gathering of family and friends
on a sunny Sunday in their garden.
Instead, he took us out to dinner last Saturday:
children and grandchildren
(except for the French branch, because they are in France),
and Auntie T and her hubby C.
We all went to Mom and Dad’s favourite restaurant,
the Turkish one on the market square in their hometown.
She plugged in her iPod to the boom box in my PocaMobile
and we loudly sang and played “guess the intro”.
She looked at me with a happy smile a couple of times.
I’m sure she was remembering – as I was – the countless trips
the 3 of us made in the same way...
Dinner was good and harmonious, as you can tell by looking at the pixxx.
We did miss you though, how couldn’t we??
THE BALANCE SO FAR
Mi likkle Angel, I think of you every day.
Like I said, you’re not gone at all from my Life!
I talk to you in my heart, especially during quiet nightly hours
when I lay awake trying to figure out what this is all about.
I then think of you during those last 13 months,
lying in your bed, on your back.
Never complaining, but only spreading love to all who came by.
That to me is what’s so raw: the pure Love you exuded!
I often wonder what you think when you look down upon us and our measly attempts to sort out matters.
Are you content?
Is there a smile on your face?
Or do you think things could and should be better?
If so, how would you rather have them,
given the circumstances?
given the circumstances?
And how will you let us know?
I really would not be able to bear it
if you weren’t satisfied with my work so far,
or if K were to reproach me for anything in the future.
It would mean I had failed to do what I promised
and I think I could never forgive myself for that.
You see, likkle sissss, what’s most important to me
is that you and I sing, laugh and dance like we used to
when we meet again.
I pray we will hug each other again spontaneously at silly moments,
just because we are one…
I don’t know when I will start missing you any less,
or even how to start doing that.
I don’t even know IF I will ever miss you less.
Until that becomes clear, I will carry you with me, 24 hours every day.
I will also continue to be as honest and complete as possible
when writing my thoughts to you.
I do that for you, I do that for me.
And for K, one day…
Nuff luv!
